Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
