My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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