Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
