you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
