my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
