my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
