Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
