So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
