capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
