i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
