he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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