She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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