I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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