You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you inspire me to be a worse person
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
