Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
