Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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