where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
pop tarts are not kleenex
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
