My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
