I think my vagina is haunted
false alarm. still invincible.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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