I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
