I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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