Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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