I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize