only if we run a train.
done.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
