Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
