She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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