Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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