Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
