Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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