so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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