I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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