please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
