She is in my trunk
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
