I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
