He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
