I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
