I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
