No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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