he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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