Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
where are you?
Hypothermia
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
