At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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