Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Randomize
