You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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