bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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