apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
