I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
