6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
tell me about the fingering
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
