Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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