I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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