Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
