The maid of honor just puked.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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