Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Drunk is not a location!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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