what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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