If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
