If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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