My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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