Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
