I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
