So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
