Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
