She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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