i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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