the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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