He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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