sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
