We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
