You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
