We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize