i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
