So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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